Breathe Me
by ceointraining
Summary: Bella Swan has it all: amazing career, loving family, incredible friends. On the outside, she's committed herself to saving lives but on the inside, the pain and guilt of her past threatens to rip her apart. What happens when her past comes back to haunt her? And what happens when she allows herself to be loved, and be loved? DocElla & DILFWard
1. Chapter 1

With my return to FFN, and taking time to look at Forever and Always and make some necessary but great changes to the story, I've decided to do the same to Breathe Me.

I'll be working to update Breathe Me as often as Forever and Always, likely with their updates rotating.

Enjoy this first look!

 **Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

* * *

 _It's all my fault._

Each step dragged behind the other as I blindly walked out of the hospital waiting room. With each step, my heart tore wider as my eyes blurred with unshed tears.

 _It's all my fault._

 _I've failed again._

 _It's all my fault._

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape death – it followed me everywhere. This never ending cycle of failure and loss had attached itself to me. I was always bound to lose those I loved and fail them.

I felt numb – I felt no pain, no grief, nothing. I felt hopelessly empty. The familiar hospital smell that I had grown to love as I had accustomed myself to it over the years was now making me sick, urging me to leave there quicker so I would no longer be engulfed by that scent. I thought nothing of the obvious stares by my colleagues, the hushed whispers quickly forgotten. That meant nothing, no other sounds could tear me away from the sound of my pounding heart.

Mine shouldn't have been the one still beating.

I should've done better.

 _It's all my fault._

Somehow almost robotically, I had made it to my office door and immediately closed it behind me. A sharp, shuttered gasp left my lips as my knees buckled and my hands flew to my desk to save me from my fall. My skin, from my scalp to the tip of my toes, tingled as the war against my consciousness grew to the peak of its battle. I tried to fight the darkness as it battled to wrap me within its arms but I was no match. I had lost whatever will I had left, there was no fight left in me.

I could hear someone calling my name from behind me, the sound of my office door closing though it sounded so far away. My eyes struggled to remain open and gathering whatever strength I could find, I blindly turned towards the familiar voice. Struggling to lift my head and look at their face but the darkness had already claimed me as its victim.

My vision blurred as the unshed tears spilled down my cheeks as I closed my eyes, uttering my last words before surrendering myself to what was awaiting me.

"It's all my fault. He's gone."


	2. Chapter 2

**Lots have been changed in this story so if you've already had a chance to read the few chapters I had up originally, you might want to take a good read of this chapter to catch up!**

 **Hope you all enjoy - please let me know what you think :)**

 **Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

* * *

 **BPOV**

"Paging Dr. Swan to the children's ward, please. Dr. Swan to the children's ward."

A smile took over my face. I knew that many doctors cringed when their name rang through the speakers, cutting short whatever they were doing at the time as they dropped everything and hustled to their destination. Not many entirely loved what they did but luckily, I was the opposite.

I loved my job.

Becoming a pediatrician was my calling – the reason for my being, you could say. It was my passion, being someone who could make a real difference in the world and help others, especially the little ones who were our next generation of leaders. There was no doubt that even at a young age, my path was carved out for me.

I suppose it had all started back in my hometown of Forks, Washington. Growing up in a small town had its perks but along with those perks came downsides, especially the whole 'no privacy' gig. It didn't help either that my father, Charlie Swan, was Chief of Police. My mother, Renee, always tried to show me the bright side – that if I really got into a pickle, at least we had someone on the inside that could break me out.

My mother always loved to add in some corny mom humor where she could with the intention of making me smile and see the bright side of things.

It always worked.

Regardless, I was destined for more. The small town life was wonderful but it came with barriers, a lack of experience and being ignorant to what else was held beyond those walls. I needed more, I thrived for more, and I wanted to make a bigger change than what the borders of Forks could give me.

Before I knew where my life would take me, it had first started with a simple babysitting job. Luckily, with being the Chief's daughter, I was seen as extremely trustworthy to the people of Forks, especially the parents who were always desperate for someone to watch their children when they were desperate for a night out for themselves. As soon as I was in my early teenage years, the phone calls started. My parents, though they trusted me entirely, were a little cautious as for a normal 13-year old, this was a big responsibility. Watching over someone else's children, they said, you had to be even more careful than as if you were watching your own. You were responsible for the life of someone who meant the world and more to another, and that was a huge burden to put on the shoulders of a young kid. Looking back on it now, I remembered how excited I was as this meant that I was beginning to grow into a trustworthy young adult.

Really, I was more excited for what this meant for my curfew. Not to mention having my own money that I could do whatever I wanted with.

I hadn't really realized it then, but that's where my love for children sparked. It wasn't just with the children who were perfectly behaved but it was also with the children who had scared off past babysitters and called demon children. Not that they were, they were just a little misunderstood and had gone through a bit of a phase. But I loved them all, and they really loved me. I found myself at high demand before I knew it, with parents calling and trying to book me for weeks and almost months in advance. This continued throughout high school until I reached graduation, where I received a full scholarship to the University of Washington. I knew that the medical field was where I wanted to be, and exactly what specialization I would dive into.

Children.

I had some sort of superpower when it came to children, which we already knew. However, it was more than that – I was a strong believer that investing and helping children would secure a brighter future for us. That we should do anything in our power to keep them safe. I could still remember those times where when I was young, my children would find me sobbing as I watched the news and struggled to understand why the children in those third world countries had to face such hardships. They were just like me, same ages if not younger. Why were they sick and dying, while I was here healthy as a horse with everything at my fingertips? How could that be fair? As I think back now, I could imagine how difficult that must've been for both of my parents to try to explain that to a young child with words that they could understand. My parents loved me even more than they loved each other, so they tried to explain to me the best that they could. The sobbing ebbed but the worry was still there, and luckily I had an amazing big brother who stepped in and took me under his wing, bringing a smile back to my face.

It was extraordinary for someone as large as Emmett Swan to have a heart even larger than himself, but I always believed that God had worked harder on my brother than others. Emmett was special, and perfect in every way. Though we had a small two year gap between us, he immediately took the role of 'protective big brother' for as long as I could remember. My mother always told me that when they brought me home from the hospital, Emmett would give the stink eye to just about anyone who came over to hold me or even just look at me. As I got older, especially in high school, the protective big brother act didn't exactly fair me very well considering every single guy at Forks High wouldn't dare approach me because of Emmett. Standing at over 6 feet, Emmett was the star of the football team as quarterback. His strong muscular frame, broad shoulders and height put the fear in every guy in Forks. On the other side, his deep dimples, soft blue-grey eyes and dusty blonde hair made every girl weak in the knees. Add that to his humorous personality and he had absolutely no trouble getting any girl at Forks High to fall effortlessly in love with him. Emmett had a charming personality and wouldn't hurt a fly. That is, unless that fly hurt his baby sister.

A baby sister who was even more protective of her big brother.

I may have been petite but I packed quite a personality, as Emmett would say. I had to sat through more lectures than I could remember after my either one of my parents would get a call from one of the girls at school that had come over to see Emmett. They called my pranks cruel while I called them absolutely genius. I mean, hey, a little prank never hurt anyone. And when the girls realized that Emmett and I were a package deal, they would bolt instantly and just be replaced with the next one. Though my parents weren't very impressed, Emmett would just shake his head and laugh.

" _Baby Bell, why would I want to spend my time with a girl like that?" he always asked, tucking a stray tendril of hair behind my ear. "If she doesn't love my baby sister as much as I do, then she's not worth it. You are the most important girl in my life, always."_

Emmett always reassured me after the silly pranks which when I would think back on it now, I realized that it was also probably because he knew that he didn't want to waste his time on anyone that couldn't be his forever. And that I never meant to be the bratty little sister that I got my reputation for, I just wanted my brother to be happy with the right person. Someone as perfect as Emmett deserved his perfect pair.

That's where Rosalie Hale came in.

Blonde, absolutely stunning, curvy in just about every place that a woman dreamed of having curves and one hell of a spitfire. Emmett had met her in his second year of university and kept his relationship to himself for quite some time until he announced to my parents that he'd be bringing a girl home for Christmas. Since it'd been the first time that Emmett had brought a girl home with him, I had a very long list of pranks that I'd stashed for the perfect occasion. I was surprised when Emmett came home and had even warned me to be good, which of course I wasn't too happy about. On our very first night, it was just the three of us having dinner which as a special request from Emmett. Throughout dinner, I held back but would say a snarky comment here or there, which Rosalie surprisingly countered with a cunning comment of her own. My plans on getting her to break were futile – the girl was _good_. Hesitantly, Emmett had left us both alone as he went out to grab our pizza and I could remember seeing the shock on his face when he came back to the two of us painting each other's nails and giggling like little girls. The rest, as they say, was history.

Emmett and Rosalie dated throughout their college years and were now happily married and living only a few blocks away from me in Seattle. They had just moved a few months before after Emmett received a great job offer with the Seattle Police Department and I couldn't have been any happier to have them close by. Our family was always close and although there was the distance between us during the times we were off studying, we ended up coming back together and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Not only that, but the selfish Aunt Bella in me was more excited to have my beautiful nieces around that I could spoil daily.

For a few years, Rosalie struggled heavily with her fertility issues – we had known before as did Emmett that this would be a problem when they would start trying, but no one was prepared with the heartbreak that would follow when we saw it come to life. Rosalie had gone through a traumatic experience when she was younger which resulted in medical issues that would cause issues for her to bear any child but if there was any person who deserved having a child, it was Rosalie. Her calling, as she put it, was to be a mother. Rosalie and Emmett kept trying, going through any procedure that they could and we would be careful before celebrating anything until at least Rosalie passed her first trimester. She had miscarried twice before and the pain she went through was indescribable but as a family, we supported both her and Emmett in every way that they needed us.

My parents ached for a grandchild just as badly as Emmett and Rosalie wanted a child of their own, especially my mother. She became extremely protective of Rosalie during her two pregnancies that resulted in miscarriages which made me so extremely proud to be her child. After the last round of IVF, Emmett and Rosalie had announced that they would look into adoption as their next step, and had done their research in preparation. No matter the struggle they went to as a newlywed couple facing obstacles in having children, their love for another never faltered. If anything, they loved each other even more after having gone through all of that heartbreak and pain but still holding on to one another.

It was that love, I believed, that truly unbreakable love that kept them motivated to keep trying and have faith, which is what finally brought my two adorable twin nieces into our lives.

Olivia and Sophia were the gorgeous little three going on thirteen-year olds who were the light of our lives. They were alike in almost every single way – wavy golden blonde hair and ivory skin, with their father's deep dimples and their mother's almond-shaped eyes. The only way you could quickly tell them apart was that they didn't share the same eye color – Olivia's eyes were blue like Emmett's while Sophia had her mother's hazel eyes. Spend a little more time with them and you could tell them apart by their personalities as well. Where Sophia was a mischievous, energetic and sometimes assertive child, Olivia was shy, quiet and very sensitive.

Together they were quite the dangerous pair but they kept us on our feet and we loved every moment of it.

The support of my entire family as a whole was a pillar of my success as they helped me push towards my dreams and making them come alive. The tears, anger, frustration and endless amounts of stress were worth it when I had them by my side and when I saw my dreams actualize into reality.

Now, at the young age of 29, I was head of the Pediatric Ward at Seattle General Hospital.

Unsurprisingly, my recent promotion had come as a shock to many and had caused quite a bit of an uproar. Not necessarily due to my experience and performance, given that I was one of the most sought out pediatric doctors on the east coast and I was wholeheartedly committed to my work and my patients. Rather, it was because of my age and quite frankly, my gender. It's not necessarily common to have a woman at any senior level in the medical field which itself causes many stirs and whispers, but for that woman to also be junior to many of the other doctors as well? We might be in 2017 but unfortunately not everyone thinks so.

Personally I found it a little difficult to pass through the initial hurdle that came with the drama from my promotion at the beginning, however that support system I had and my own inner confidence reminded me that I had earned what I worked so hard for. Graduating early in accelerated programs in both college and medical school wasn't an easy feat. So despite the many opponents I had and the appeals to my promotion, I had proved myself to be a force that could not be reckoned with. I had fought hard and earned my stripes, so no matter what the very small 1% of hospital employees thought, the clear majority believed in me and my leadership. Plus, I had one very genuine person by my side who was a clear supporter constantly at my side.

When I say that I learned from the best, I truly did – my entire life and medical career changed when I met Carlisle Cullen.

Carlisle and I had first met when I began my residency at Seattle General. At the time, he was the chief surgeon on staff and I remember on my first day where I had tripped over my feet and landed on my hands right into his office. I was a bit of a shock to him as he immediately ended whatever call that he was on and rushed over to help me up as I wiped my hands on my lab coat to wipe off the dust and sweat before shaking his hand to introduce myself. Quite the ice breaker I'm sure, but our relationship had bloomed from that moment.

We were colleagues however Carlisle became my most trusted mentor and advisor, practically becoming like another father figure for me when I felt a little more homesick for Forks than normal. He and his wife, Esme, had always encouraged me that their doors were open for me whenever I needed it and even when I didn't. Aside from my family, they were the two other people that I can attribute my drive to. Especially Carlisle since he and I were both in the same field, so he understood and could relate to the many difficult days I had during my residency. Unfortunately, some days were infinitely more difficult than others when we had to deal with the highly emotional occurrences that included fatal issues or sharing awful news with families. With my own parents far as well as Emmett and Rose, Carlisle and Esme became my rock when I was in Seattle. There were times where I almost felt like I wasn't good enough but any moments where that doubt would seep in, Carlisle was the first to remind me of my potential and get me back in the right head.

So there was no surprise when I eventually met their children and realized that they were just as wonderful.

"Bella!" _Ah, speak of the devil_. I smiled widely as I approached the pediatric ward and turned towards the high-pitched voice of my best friend.

Alice Cullen was the petite, raven-haired and insanely lovable woman who in a short period of time became my closest friend. Her and I couldn't have been more different in some instances but she always kept me on my toes and reminded me to both cherish and enjoy life to the fullest. I couldn't have loved her more for it, especially as easy as it can be to become anti-social when your life is so hectic. We had met for the very first time a couple of years back when Carlisle and Esme had invited me over to their home for a holiday dinner and we had connected instantly. In fact, Alice had actually told me right after introducing herself to me that we were going to become the best of friends. Sometimes I wonder if she's got a little psychic in her.

Although this time, it wasn't the typical smiling face that I was greeted with. Instead, Alice looked uncharacteristically worn out, her emerald green eyes puffy and red with tears. I was instantly on high alert as I rushed towards her.

"Alice? What's wrong, are you okay?" I put my hands on her shoulders and inspected her quickly, immediately putting my medical hat on.

Alice's bottom lip quivered as tears rolled down her cheeks, struggling to take a deep breath in between tears to say a word. I brushed back a hair from her face and waited patiently as she managed to communicate to me.

"Please, Bella," she sobbed before collapsing into my arms. I embraced her quickly, holding her tiny frame up as I became even more terrified. "Please help her, I need you to save her."


End file.
